Dysfunction

For Kurt Cobain.


I open my eyes and my mouth to a cheerless narrative;

A stark depiction of what life has become,

Every action pushing towards a common motive

To render this heart of mine numb.

I want to paint it black

Not seek to absorb what it finds itself to lack —

So when the sun pokes through my window

I pull the blinds down low.

 

I go about the day in a mindless stupor

Here, I break glass; here, blades break skin,

In my mind I am myself an intruder

Betting on a game I can’t possibly win —

So I give up — douse myself in the pot and the pills,

Cut lines on the mirrors, the windowsills.

 

If I do have a soul, it’s all but lifted

My mind so numb, a boat I no longer row

My body takes the brown sugar thrust in through the piston

And I watch it take control, let go —

An instant of regret vanishes too soon

The high is when I’m at my biggest low.

 

As the poisonous rapture wears off

I find myself slumping, my head on my knees.

With disdain I look at myself and scoff,

Do nothing but watch my appetite for self-destruction increase —

There is just so much pain in sobriety

Seeking refuge in moonshine becomes a necessity.

 

Only in the dead of the night do I give in

(To the tears, the emotions, the hopelessness — for I gave up long ago)

And when heavy eyes no longer weep

I dissolve myself into a dreamless sleep —

Tomorrow will be the same.

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15 thoughts on “Dysfunction

    • Vartika Rastogi says:

      Look I’m stalking my own blog, and I’m totally gonna correct you here: ‘it’s better to burn out than fade away’ is a line from a Neil Young song, quoted by Cobain in his suicide note. I hope you’re so overwhelmed by that piece of info, you forget that I’m stalking my own blog. Fuck.

      Like

      • outofoblivion says:

        I know that and the song is hey hey my my I know that Kurt did not write it.But they were his last written words.I will get back to you on the stalking your own blog thing.Btw when I wrote this comment the Flintstones were probably exìsting in the real world.So the question is how dìd you find it?Is it human genius or is there alien power behind this.To know more keep watching Ancient Idiots.Thank You.

        Like

      • Vartika Rastogi says:

        I hope I get you into the whole Courtney-Killed-Kurt Conspiracy Theory too because then I’ll still be right and those won’t be his last words (desperate measures, I hate being wrong-ish)
        And about the ancient idiots thing,
        WHAT.

        Liked by 1 person

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