I feel incongruous with the people that surround me.
It is hard, so very hard, to get the hang of people. How do you explain why one person can make your skin crawl, and another makes it tingle? Isn’t it scary that you never know what someone might really be feeling or thinking,whether they really mean what they say, like all of it can be one colossal lie?
Lies. Lies and people…people and lies – they’re synonymous. To both of them, there is a variety. It is the experience of this variety that makes the act of trusting someone so difficult. Trust is like money – you have to earn it. Sure, you can, at times, cheat through it, but unlike money, once you lose it, trust can never be gained again.
What is the biggest falsity that can be uttered? Forever. Forever is a fictitious term, every song ends. Flowers wither, seasons pass, people leave – and some leave for good. No matter how much your heart yearns for them, or how much you will for them to come back, they do not. They can not. Everything has an expiry date. The train has to leave this platform and the sooner you say goodbye to it, the better, for it will not come back – the tracks do not allow it to. But of course, this does not mean that there will not be any other trains coming your way – after all, you are a junction, and a junction is meant to be stopped at. But only temporarily.
Have you ever seen the pebbles in the rivers as the sun shines on them? So colourful, so beautiful, almost unreal. They make you want to look at them again. They make you want to touch them. They make you want to pick them up and pull them out of the water. But know this – the pebbles are colourful only as long as they’re in the ebbing river. Some people are like that,too – they turn grey and dull just as soon as you pull them out of the water.
It is funny how we are so important, so constitutive in our own lives, we can not imagine being any less essential in those of others. Some people will claim that you’re more important to them than anything else, but again, it is just a lie. Truth is, there can only be one true protagonist in every story. You can be her in yours, but you have to be content with being just a filler in their story, a piece in their game. Because, that’s how it works – it always has and it always will.
But who are they? They’re all of us, of course. They are you and me and every other human who ever has inhabited the planet or will do so in the future.And knowing this, we can at least think, that if deception was an art, perhaps we would be masters of it.